Page created: Febuary 28, 2006
Page last updated: September 30, 2007

Here are some things that I recently had learned about myself.

The purpose of this page is to learn about me personally and how I function. This is to help people understand me and could even be used to help in predicting my behavior or reactions to something.

In March of 2004 I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. At that time I did not know much about it and people didn't really know what to tell me about it. People treated it like some strange condition in the way that they talked about it. They talked about it to me as if I was suffering from retardation or something.

This is typical of the ignorant "well meaning" people. Even some members of my own family treated me wierd when they had learned of the news. They talked about how my brain does not make all of the right chemicals for me to function normal. Some of them treated me like "poor mister retarded person". I didn't like that. It was a display of their lack of understanding. Here I was a different person in a world that expects me to be like everyone else. But I can't be that way. I am not capable of being normal, I can only emulate the appearance of normality but it requires knowledge and learning of things. My ability of emulating normality is directly effected by how much I know about what is "normal". I am not an intrical part of society, I am not a member of the "socially elite". For all of my life I was struggling with things and myself, trying to understand things, and having difficulty with people. During the year 2004, which was a bad year for me, I didn't know much about myself as compared to now. In 2004 the information that I found about Asperger Syndrome had been mostly about Autism in general. That didn't help me. Then there were the people who tried to talk about what I have and did not understand it. But I didn't understand it at first either. And it was that lack of understanding that kept me from learning to control myself and to focus better on things. During 2005 I learned many lessons very quickly in that year because I did do more research but I also was working a security job in Louisville Kentucky and dealing with all of those people had accellerated my learning. Because I couldn't trust for these "normal" people to tell me what I need to know so I resorted to studying myself from the inside and constantly comparing things internal and external. Comparing thoughts with actions, cause and effect, what I wanted compared to what I recieved, and with careful observation and experimentation I was able to advance myself in my abilities. I learned about the akward social situations that I had been in before and I also learned how to create and use akwardness for causing uncomfortable social situations for people. I learn from people and myslef. I am doing better now and I speak more direct than I used to do years ago. I am doing better in society than when I was younger and more ignorant. But it is not without a newer more emergant array of problems. It seems like the learning is in layers and patterns. I have progressed into learning how to create the problems for other people as they have done to me in the past. I am learning more about thoughts, skills, and behaviors. With this greater information about people and how THEY function, there are still the situations of interaction that cause a large amount of frustration to me. Especially things like greed, selfishness, hypocracy, vanity, ego, and meaninglessness. An example of what really bothers me is when someone does something (especially as defiance) to someone but does not want that same thing done to them. I hate that unfairness with strong passion. I hate those situations where someone will say or do something to effect me and justify their reasons for doing it. But when I do the same to them, they get very angry and accuse me of being unfair and out of place. One thing that I have learned especially in late 2005 and early 2006, is that you shouldn't do anything to someone else that you would not like to have done back to you BECAUSE, when you do it, they potentially learn how it was accomplished and then you have given them the means and the motive to do it back to you. That is my elaboration of the "golden rule". Anyway, I can explain more later but for now I need to list topics of my research and explain them in this page because that is the reason why I made this page.

OK, here are two introductory articles about what I have, I'll introduce you to this first.
Asperger syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I found this article to have even more information that applies to me.
High-functioning autism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia